S T U D Y   C E N T R E

F A M I L Y   L I F E   C E N T R E   -   P A R T   4

1. The Search for Marriage

• It is the hope and desire of most single adults to find the right person for marriage.
• Most happily married couples confess that the journey to finding the right person for marriage wasn’t an easy one.
• Some other married individuals today will also acknowledge that there were many false starts and disappointments along the search of a life partner.
• One very happily married elderly lady admitted in honesty that, “If I were widowed, I don’t think I could go through the process of finding a husband again.”
• For other people, their problem is making a decision about somebody they want to marry.
• The pain and poor judgment of many singles where marriage choices are concerned can be eliminated when they have better instructions on how to choose a life partner.
• This is where the church comes in the community and for the community, to provide Christ-centered instructions that can benefit today’s single people.

2. Common Concerns of the Marriage Search

• It is true that so many Christian singles are frustrated and confused in dealing with relationships that don’t work out, coupled with questions about marriage, like: “Is it important I marry?”  “Am I really going to marry?”
• My own advice with deciding to marry no matter what is the rule and not an exception today.
• There are several points to some of the common concerns of the marriage search to which many singles lack understanding and direction.  They are:

1. Married or Single?
• S0me people are still stuck at how to resolve the basic choice between marriage and singleness.
• Married couples can easily forget what a complicated question this is for many singles, who hear different ideals about marriage and singleness being tossed around through the media.

1. Getting off the place of desire
• Many other singles are very comfortable with the idea of being married but are uncertain about how to get there.
• There are many bright, likeable singles well into their adult years that deeply want to be married but for various reasons are not.
2. Difficulty in making a choice
• There are a group of singles in serious relationships, but are unable to resolve whether to marry.
• Most of these singles can be mature believers with long standing testimonies of serving the Lord and yet they cannot decide about marriage.
• In some cases like this, the concern could be over needing a clear sign from God.
3. No map for the journey ahead

• There are some genuine singles who while not overly and anxiously concerned about getting married at this point, would still like some perspective on how to move toward marriage at some time in the future.
• Too often, such singles end up frustrated, for little, meaningful direction on this matter given by the community and the church today.
• Finally, it is important you make your choice between marriage and singleness.

3.  Discerning the Right Future Spouse

• You need discernment in your pursuit for a life partner.
• Many marriages have suffered breakups and problems for lack of discernment.
• Discernment will help the single person take some basic things into consideration.

1. Is the person a Christian?  (2 Corinthians 6:14)
2. Are your life goals compatible? (1 Corinthians 1:28-29)
3. Does the person have any self control?  (1 Thessalonians 4:4)
4. How does the person relate with his/her family? (Numbers 14:18)
5. Is it the right time to pursue the relationship?  (Genesis 29:20)
6. What is the person’s assignment; is it compatible with your gift? (Matthew 6:33, 1 Corinthians 7:32)
7. How committed is the person to the things of God?

4.  Ten Ways to Evaluate your Compatibility with a Potential Life    Partner

• Physical
• Emotional
• Social
• Intellectual
• Sexual
• Communication
• Professional/Financial
• Personal Growth
• Interests/Hobbies
• Spirituality

5.  Knowing the Will of God for the Right Life Partner

• Most married couples will admit that their decision to marry their spouse was without any direction or revelation to do it.
• They approach the decision of marrying their spouse more rationally than mystically.
• There are always exceptions.
• Consider the following in knowing the will of God:
• With the heart and mind
• The need of a special sign
• Someone  making the decision for you
• Substantial certainty
• Faith and feeling
• Divine counsel